Mrs Ironbladder
In Mrs Ironbladder’s class
there's one exacting rule —
you’re not allowed to leave
her lesson, ever.
You may find this ridiculous,
you may think that it’s cruel
but it’s no use playing games
and being clever.
If, for instance, you get bored
and say you need the loo
Mrs Ironbladder wields
her deadly power.
And even if you’re desperate
and what you say is true,
you’ll have to wait another
half an hour.
It doesn’t make a difference
if you beg, cajole and plead,
she’ll tell you viciously
that no means no.
You can ask her very nicely
but you frankly won’t succeed:
she simply will not ever
let you go.
So if you find that nature calls
in Ironbladder’s class,
make no mistake, she won’t
be very happy.
And since she’ll never let you have
a simple toilet pass,
make sure you come prepared
and wear a nappy.
(published in Welcome to My Crazy Life)